i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
