we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize