I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
