haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
