He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
