WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
