How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
