Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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