are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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