I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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