she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
