drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
