OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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