R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
