Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize