why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
