and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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