can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
