Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
