can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
