I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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