I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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