I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
