how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
