i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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