College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Help. Why am I so naked?
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