Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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