Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
