im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
