Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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