I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need moral support for this bender
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
