It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
