he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
pray to the hookup gods
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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