my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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