i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drake has all the answers
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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