i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
