fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
