He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
