you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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