He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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