Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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