im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
