I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
