i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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