Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
