I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
