Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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