I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
