Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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