You're my little dorito
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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