Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
