I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
