this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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