you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
