Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I look better un-naked...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i will never coherently bang her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
