Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
