no, he came in my armpit
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
