this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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