just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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