you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
