it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
