my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
