I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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