You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
