wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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