So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
